Movies, TV Shows and Anti-Me

I watched The Revenant yesterday. I liked it. But it was long. Way too long. With a 2 hour 36 minute length, I think it was at least 30 minutes overdue. That being said, it was a beautifully shot film with great performances from especially Leo DiCaprio and Tom Hardy. As usual. Oh, it was also very intense at times with painful violence. Yay!

I also recognised one of the other dudes in the movie, Domnhall Gleeson.

It’s weird.

Because I’m a nerd, I just recently googled the entire cast of Star Wars: The Force Awakens, which he was in, and that’s when I became aware of his existence and he became a blip on my nerdar. Then, a week goes by, and I discover the absolutely amazing and intensely affecting show, Black Mirror, which he was also in. Then I happen to watch Ex Machina, where he of course is the main character. As if that isn’t enough, I’m rewatching the entire Harry Potter film series with the girlfriend, since:

  • I’ve only seen them once, when they first came out, making them now re-watchable
  • I remember that I liked them more and more with each movie released, because they were getting darker and darker and more grownup
  • My girlfriend hasn’t seen it. Or at least she thought she had, but it turned out she’d only seen the first three (out of eight). She almost roundhouse-kicked the TV when Dumbledore died. She couldn’t believe it

We just have the eighth movie left, and we’re both excited. I’ve almost forgot what happens, which is very, very exciting.

Anyway, so upon starting to watch the seventh movie yesterday, The Deathly Hallows Part 1, who the hell is there if not Domnhall Gleeson! That dude is everywhere. He’s been in 96% of things I watched since Christmas. Weird.

                 

Speaking of movies, I don’t think the Harry Potter film series is one of the best ever. It’s good enough, but not the best. I rank The Lord of the Rings higher. I rank Pulp Fiction as the greatest masterpiece ever. I think Fifty Shades of Grey was a horrible, horrible piece of cinema. I basically like all of Quentin Tarantino’s and Christopher Nolan’s movies. I am a big, big fan of American Psycho. That movie is filled with memorable, classic quotes. Despite this, HP is still an enjoyable series.

                 

Speaking of series, TV shows are apparently the shit nowadays. A good TV show today looks like a great movie did just 10 years ago in terms of visuals and effects and stuff like that. This is a result of bigger budgets which is a result of a higher demand for quality TV.

Some absolutely stellar TV shows are, in no particular order:

  • Game of Thrones
  • The Walking Dead
  • Breaking Bad
  • Mad Men

Just amazing productions. They’re all kind of different, but what they have in common, is high quality.

A show like Suits is easy to enjoy, but I have a tremendously hard time believing it when two characters can have an intense, law-riddled conversation alone in a room for 10 minutes about a painfully insolvable case, and just as they’re about to finish the last sentence, some dude or chick steps into the room with a perfectly convenient solution and saves the day. Like they’d listen to the entire conversation from the start, hiding behind the cactus in one of the corners, which they, of course, haven’t. Or when they are handed a 300-page law document, they’d casually scan the first couple of pages, and say, “of course! Why didn’t I think of this before? It’s so obvious”.

Sure, GoT and TWD are not believable because dragons, magic and zombies, yes, I’ll give you that, but they compensate for that with realism in every other way possible. I think. Kind of.

               

As you know, Norway bothers me. Not the country (well…), but my colleague and friend Norway. He bothers me because he is so anti. He’s anti me. I also respect him for that. When I believe HP gets better with each movie, he ridicules me, laughs, and says he thinks it’s the opposite. He supports the Lannisters in GoT, and especially the abusive child king, bastard Joffrey. He is also a huge fan of all the Real Housewives of-series, and was just recently on the verge of tears of happiness when he discovered the Real Housewives of Melbourne edition. He also loves Justin Bieber and One Direction and he certainly keeps up with the Kardashians.

Ugh.

          

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to return some videotapes.

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Roaches: Roaches Everywhere

Pre-post note #1: Ugh. It happened again.

Pre-post note #2: This post is about my never-ending feud with the titular freaks, otherwise known as cockroaches. I’ve encountered these assholes on three occasions in my Bangkok condo, and this post is a result of encounter number two, a few days before Christmas. However, the post never got published and sadly ended up in development limbo. Until today, just now, after encounter number three.

                         

A few weeks ago, I was out for a business dinner and had a few drinks. This little detail will prove vital later in this post. I came home, headed to the bathroom to shower and brush my teeth before going to bed, and decided to give my teeth top priority.

Now, I didn’t wanna wake up my girlfriend, so I had to leave the lights off. Why couldn’t I turn the lights on, you might ask? Well, our bathroom is surrounded by glass walls, with a large part of the walls being frosted. So, if I turn on the lights in the bathroom, it would light up the entire bedroom as well, and wake her up, since the bedroom and bathroom are wall-to-wall.

Luckily for me, one of the walls in the bedroom is entirely made out of windows, so the neighbouring sky-skrapers and their neon lights were more than enough for me to brush my teeth. While I’m making my dentist proud, I see something very unpleasant crawling in my peripheral vision.

It’s a roach.

A hideous, disgusting, creepy-looking roach, all up in my space, zig-zagging on the bathroom countertop.

This was encounter number two.

I’m not afraid of roaches – or other large, intruding insects for that matter – but I sure as hell don’t like them, and I definitely don’t approve of their presence in my home.

I kinda have a GTFO-type of approach to these foul creatures.

gtfo
When I was living in Guangzhou, China a few years ago, I was having loads of them in my room (which I shared with a Chinese-North Korean dude) and got kinda used to their presence.

This was back in 2011, I was there for five months, and my rent was 300 RMB (Chinese Yuan) per month, which would be 45 USD per month in today’s currency equivalent. Ridiculously cheap, I know, but there wasn’t anything luxurious about the place, and it was evidently crawling with roaches.

Very often, I’d be standing in the bathroom brushing my teeth or taking a shower, and I’d see a complete family of roaches somehow squeeze their exoskeleton bodies through the smallest cracks imaginable in the walls. Then they’d stare at me for a while, make me feel like was bothering them, silently judge my naked, showering body, and then squeeze their asses back inside the wall. After a while, both parties would sigh in defeat and greet each other with a casual “Zup?” and continue to go on with our lives.

Other times, I would open one of my drawers where I had my cash and other valuables, and I would find another sweet family of roaches lurking there. Apparently, they had been sleeping, and I happened to wake them up. They’d freak out and I would then close the drawer to give them some space, wait for a few moments, and then open it to now find it empty.

The point I’m miserably trying to make here is that I wasn’t freaked out so much about their presence back then, since I saw them so often. Here in Bangkok, they visit me more sporadically, catching me by surprise every time. I’ll tell you more about my amazing time in China in a future post.

So there I was, brushing my teeth, and there it was, looking me dead in the eye, violating its rights. I, feeling very confident after having a few drinks earlier, seized the opportunity by taking some paper and scooped his ass up, and flushed him down the toilet. I would never have the balls to take him with my hands had I not been a little tipsy. I know I’m lame, but that’s the truth.

The last time a roach invaded our apartment – encounter number one – I used the vacuum cleaner to get rid of the creep. This particular vacuum has no paper bags that need to be changed, but instead has one of those boxes that you just take out and empty. Very convenient. At least until I went to the garbage room in the corridor, opened the big trash can, took out the box and opened the lid, turned it upside down, prepared to shake the intruder out of the box, only to catastrophically fucking drop the box down to the bottom of the filthy, disgusting, now roach-infested trash can.

I was already sweating like I’m in a sauna, but this horrible turn of events took it to the next level. After I summoned a little drunken courage, I managed to retrieve my box from the bottom of the trash can and headed back into my condo and took one of the longest, most thorough showers anyone has ever taken.

         

Encounter number three, just 30 stressful minutes ago, was very similar to post-provoking encounter number two, but with the outcome of encounter number one. This was the biggest fucker by far.

roaches_everywhere_by_quackrichboys-d8eaxmm

Today I did a little research (just like I did that other time a roach decided to say hello to me). Once again, I discovered that one roach is almost always evidence that there’s anything from 100 to 1000 more roaches lurking inside the pipes, in the walls, or elsewhere in the vicinity. This is incredibly upsetting.

Since I’m a dumbass, I decided to google roach infestation, which is one of my most moronic ideas ever. Since I’m such a nice guy, I’ll just leave a link to these horrifying images instead of posting an actual image here. Happy New Year from me.

                      

Speaking of bugs and their level of disgustingness, I can’t help to wonder why almost everyone on this planet think they are repulsive. I could understand why people are afraid of snakes and spiders, since they are potentially poisonous and lethal, but roaches? Sure, a cockroach doesn’t look very appealing, and, yes, it can carry diseases (but not necessarily), but I’d bet that it is more afraid of me than I am of it. Still, it’s super-icky to approach them, touch them or even look at them. But why is that so?

roaches_everywhere_by_sparks_fly13-d4gb2mx

Could it be that, earlier on our evolutionary road, we didn’t have the proper knowledge to separate a potentially lethal bug from a harmless one, and we developed this “fear” in order to avoid all kinds of bugs to avoid getting bit and die?

Sounds logical enough for me.

They Didn’t Get the Memo

Also, roaches, along with spiders, houseflies and other annoying beings, apparently haven’t got the memo that conveyed that humans are atop of the food chain, and that we are to be avoided, for the sake of everyone involved. I don’t have to freak out and they don’t have to die horrible deaths.

Another thought regarding these terrible creatures – imagine if you could make a roach large enough to be five meters long and three meters high, instead of five centimeters long and three centimeters high. What would you get? You wouldn’t get a terrifyingly large roach, no, you would get an actual monster. The same can’t be said if you’d do the same with a dog. It’d still be a dog, only large.

                 

In a total dick move, I’m gonna end this post with some disturbing facts about roaches I found in my research; facts you’d probably be better off without knowing:

Roaches can live without their heads for about five weeks;
they can endure droughts and starvation;
they can take about 4x radiation as humans can (lethal doses);
and they can of course loose all limbs and still live on.

Great.

I need to have a serious talk with the guy who invented these fuckers.

                 

By the way, Norway left Bangkok for Norway over the Holidays, and had given me the keys to his apartment. I guess he figured I could check on it while he’s away, but now, in an insanely unpredictable plot twist, knowing a shit-load about roaches, I might go all scumbag and casually throw in a Big Mac and a half-eaten apple in his bed, to attract some oily, antennae-wearing visitors.

*Evil laughter*

But, no, I could never do that to another person.

Or… could I?