How To Survive In A Zombie Apocalypse (And How Not To)

This question was asked by a colleague (let’s call him Jakarta) late this afternoon at the office. Naturally, I took it upon me to give my most serious answer.

I’m a pretty big fan of The Walking Dead (which isn’t a “zombie show” by the way, it’s a show about people struggling to survive in very challenging conditions, okay? There just happens to be shit-loads of zombies contributing to the challenging conditions. Also, after a while it’s actually people who are the real danger, and not the undead, since people are just the worst. Anyway, time to leave the parenthesis now before you get too bored) so I’m familiar with some of the ways people try to survive a zombie apocalypse.

By the way, I hate it when people say, “but it’s a zombie show” like that would be a bad thing. I’m totally on the defensive now. Time to get my head back in the game.

Here’s my answer to the question: 

After trying to get ahold of all my loved ones when hearing the horrible news of a zombie outbreak and making sure they’re all okay, my first step would definitely be to try to find a very large backpack in which I could fit as much canned food, water, and various weapons I could carry.

In real life, I’m very much anti-guns, but in this world, I’d be very much pro-guns. I’d like to think I’m kind of old school, so I’d definitely want to have a revolver of some kind, preferably this one:

Colt Python Revolver

Just like the one Rick Grimes has in The Walking Dead. I’m trying to stay on topic and contain my TWD-nerdiness, but it’s hard.

Alright, so now I’ve made sure my loved ones are safe, I’ve stuffed a large backpack filled with canned tuna, canned corn, canned cans, water, and a gun with plenty of ammo. However, after a while, I will inevitably be low on ammo, and wouldn’t want to rely on having to chase after new ammo every other day in a world full of flesh-eating zombies, and with other people also looking for ammo to their stupid guns. So I would definitely try to find a weapon that doesn’t need ammo to add to my arsenal. A weapon that is loaded, constantly.

Like this hammer:

Oh, yeah.

I guess the better choice would be a sword, but I’m going with the hammer for this one.

Now that I got all my shit, I’m heading for a remote, abandoned place, or at least a place where I suspect there would be very few people, and therefore also few zombies. In other words, I would get the fuck out of Bangkok real quick, since I don’t want to be around potentially ten million zombies.

What happens after that, no one knows.

        

So that was my answer, in much more detail here for your entertainment.

My other colleague countered with his own reply. You would know him as Norway from a previous post, so expectations weren’t exactly high. His reply went something like this:

I would go to the bank and get all the money and wait for a cure and then I would be the richest person in the world.

Needless to say, he is an idiot.

I asked him, “how would you get access to all the cash, presumably kept safe in all kinds of vaults?”, to which he replied after buffering for a few moments, like a Youtube-video with a bad internet connection, “I would get a zombie bank employee and have him get the cash for me”.

This is how I always look when I listen to Norway try to use words.

It goes without saying that dear, little Norway would be one of the first ones to go in this world.

Of course, we all know that a zombie apocalypse scenario is entirely fictional, and the discussion is highly hypothetical, but it’s still funny to discuss nonetheless.

I’m not a particularly big fan of the zombie genre as a whole, but I did enjoy movies such as Zombieland and Dawn of the Dead, other than the ever-so traumatising The Walking Dead. TWD is definitely up there with Game of Thrones in terms of offending its viewers. And since I like to feel offended, traumatised and depressed after watching a TV show or a movie, that’s positive.

                          

Let’s discuss and be nerdy together:

1. How would you try to survive?

2. What would be your weapon of choice?

3. Where would you be headed?