It Was Kind of Like the Deal With Voldemort, Only It Was a Good Thing

Today is Tuesday.

Tuesdays are normally kind of lame. Not totally lame like Mondays, but still much more lame than Wednesdays or Thursdays. Fridays and Saturdays are like the emperors of the week, so everyone likes them. And Sundays are also kind of cool, but they’re too close to the mess that is Monday to be really cool.

So, my rating would have to be something like this:

Looking at this equation, I’m having second thoughts on putting Sunday in 3rd place. Thursday has always been an underdog and a solid contender for the Top 3, constantly on the verge of leapfrogging Sunday. Leaving work on Thursdays, you realise you only have one day left before the weekend, and that day is Fantastic Friday. On Sundays, although you are most likely free, you know that Miserable Monday is lurking right around the corner, always ready to make your life shitty again. For now, I’m keeping Sunday in 3rd place, but the next time I’m reviewing this equation, it’s possible there’s another order here. I’ll let you know.

The point of this otherwise pointless post is to try to make you forget that you’re reading this on the second shittiest day of the week. You’re welcome.

So, below, you’ll find some recent happenings in my life regarding makeup, some things I enjoy, and a discovery that changed my life.


–Yesterday, my girlfriend discovered an image app on her iPhone that applies makeup on photos. It looks disturbingly real. Since then, she has had tremendous fun with my picture, trying all kinds of make up on “me”. Like a cartoon villain, devilishly laughing her ass off, she, of course, opted to send these pictures to my brother, who, of course, believed that I wore makeup now. I guess he thought I wanted in on the whole Lady Boy Thing going on here.

Two observations after this experience:

A) I would make an absolutely terrifying transvestite, and

B) My girlfriend got jealous of my eyebrows.

* *

–Two things that fill me with great satisfaction:

A) When I see that the water in the shower instantly disappears through the drain, meaning there is no stoppage of hair or other human waste. Plus, it also means that I don’t have to empty the disgusting drain full of hair and other human waste.

B) The sound I hear when I empty the trash can on my computer. It’s a very clean-sounding sound. It’s very tasty.

* * *

–Sometime in early 2015, my life changed.

I discovered something called Sriracha. Sriracha is a chili sauce, a very spicy one, and is insanely popular here in Thailand. Luckily, the fist “r” is silent, making it a hell lot of easier to pronounce.

Back home, it was something only mysterious people ate in a very secret fashion in random Asian restaurants, and nobody spoke of it. It was all a bit hush-hush. It was kind of like the deal with Voldemort, only it was a good thing. All this strange behaviour surrounding this enigmatic product was making me afraid to try it. Also, I was still very satisfied with my then-favourite Sweet Chili Sauce, not looking for any changes in my life.

Since my discovery of this delicious treat, I must’ve told more people about this product than what’s probably normal when talking about a chili sauce. But that’s the thing, it’s not only a tasty chili sauce, it’s something else, something more. It’s… Sriracha.

And now, I’m telling you guys.

By the way, I wanna be clear that the picture on the Sriracha link above is not the brand that I use. I use a brand from another company, called 863. I know, that’s a weird name for a company making chili sauce. Maybe there is a secret rating system I’m unaware of that rates awesomeness in chili sauces, and the top rating is 863? Let’s assume that.

The reason that I prefer to separate my brand from the pictured one is that, even though both are Sriracha and delicious, mine is way spicier. So if my brand has an 863-rating on the awesomeness scale, the Rooster Brand on the picture would probably get like a much less impressive 714 or something.

An acquaintance of mine recently asked me “what’s the weirdest thing you’ve put Sriracha on?”. I wished that I could’ve answered with “my toothbrush”, but I’m afraid that that would’ve been a super weird thing to answer with, and she’d look at me in disgust and wonder what’s wrong with me and suggest that I’d seek out help from a professional.

So I chose to be normal and answer truthfully with “scrambled eggs”, which I now make deliciously on weekends, much to my girlfriend’s delight.

Consequently, Sriracha Sundays are now much more likely to remain in the Top 3 of my day equation.


2 thoughts on “It Was Kind of Like the Deal With Voldemort, Only It Was a Good Thing

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